So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
50% drunk capacity currently
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize