I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
