yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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