i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Randomize
