He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
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