Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Randomize
