everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
there is glitter all over my balls
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
