I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
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What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
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My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
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