Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
