Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize
