I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
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The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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