'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I think I sprained my soul last night
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
