Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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