I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Randomize
