Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Randomize
