Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
