I wish I only lived at night.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
