There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
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