so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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