It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
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