I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
