so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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