I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
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