I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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