I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
