you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
