sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
