is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Come back. Shots need mouths.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
