hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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