who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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