In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
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