Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
