I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
