You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize