I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Randomize
