It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Randomize
