Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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