My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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