So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
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she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
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I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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