...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
