im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
