You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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