I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize