eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Randomize
