tell your sister to shave her snatch
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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