i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Randomize
