the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
