Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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