i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
