I'm so fucking centered right now
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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