Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
