It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
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