3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
