Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Randomize
