woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Randomize
