But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
He has the fingertips of a God
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
