i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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