I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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