I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
