he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
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OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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