my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Can vaginas get frostbite?
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
