Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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