Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
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