I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
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