Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
