dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize