My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Randomize
